And while I'm on the subject...

Last summer, I came across this picture on Mary Beth Chapman's "Asia and Beyond" blog from their 2007 trip to China. It stopped me in my tracks. I have never before been so captivated by a photo of an orphan.

Mary Beth wrote..."This little girl sat quietly in her bed. The number beside her is 055. She is a number."

And instantly, the words to "He Knows My Name" began ringing in my head.

I have a Maker…
He formed my heart…
Before even time began,
My life was in His hands.

He knows my name…
He knows my every thought…
He sees each tear that falls
And hears me when I call…

Shortly after we returned from China, it all became very clear. I'm not sure why God waited so long to explain it to me...or why it took me so long to GET IT. All the while we were waiting for Caroline, people would try to comfort me in my impatience, saying that God had the perfect child in mind...that His timing is perfect. Let me say this...that makes a WHOLE LOT more sense on this side of China. It's true, though...Caroline was meant to be our child from the beginning of time. But what I couldn't understand was this...what about those whose dossiers never go to the CCAA? Why, God? Why are some destined to grow up orphans in this world? Why do you allow such painful circumstance?

And this is what He finally revealed to me. I remember exactly where I was standing. The circumstances of this earth are not always of the Lord and His will. He allows them because of what glory can be gained for His kingdom. He HAS a plan for each of His children. I believe that includes a family. And I believe that there are those that will not heed His plan...that those children will grow up without a family.

That's a bold statement, I know. But it is not meant to be one of judgment or guilt. It's just the way it is. There are 143 million orphans in this world. Want to know the good news? According to showhope.org, if only 7% of the 2 billion Christians in the world would show hope to a single orphan, there would effectively be no more orphans.

That is why I feel compelled to share my heart. It's why the tears fell when I realized that we could have so easily walked away from adoption and never known Caroline. It's why the tears fall when I think of her growing up without the love of her family. It's why the tears fall when I ponder the calling of my heart to return to China for my baby girl.

God knows this little girl's name. He knows the plan He has for her. She is not a number to Him. I pray that her family will walk in obedience and be ever so blessed by her love. I pray for the day that little face lights up with the joy and laughter that only the love of a family can bring. And I pray that my words bring encouragement, if even to just one family, to be bold in the name of Jesus.